Tips To Help You Have A Great 1st Party

Some of these tips were submitted by current club members on our Facebook Group.  Others are from club management after attending lots of parties and observing who seems to have the most fun.

1. I would say go in with an open mind, no expectations. Everyone who is new, is nervous, but we are all there for a common interest and desires. Once you get comfy its always a good time! The more parties you attend, the funner they get! So my tip is go to as many as possible!  - Submitted by C.B. from Butte

2.  Participate in events & games, talk to people, and don't be afraid to ask questions! The more you talk, the more you learn and the more comfortable you will get.  - Submitted by A.C. from Corvallis

3.  If you want to play, don't leave the party early.  Most of the adult play occurs after the party gets over.  There are lots of after parties and most of the planning for those happens in the last 20 minutes of the party.  If you see event staff picking up things, this does not mean that you have to leave.  The parties run until 1AM.  - Club Suggestion

4.  Dress up!  While costumes are not required, those who dress up seem to have more fun.  Costumes are a great ice breaker and give someone a reason to strike up a conversation.  If you are not comfortable participating in the costume contest, that is 100% ok.  - Club Suggestion

5.  Don't be afraid to ask to join in a game.  If you see a fun game happening, most will have no problem letting you join in.  We have had over 30 people playing the Naughty Dice Game at one time.  - Club Suggestion

6. Don't sit down unless you are playing a game or visiting with another couple.  Get up and mix and mingle.  Being seated at a table makes it harder for others to approach you and you will be less likely to approach someone else. - Club Suggestion

7.  Wear a name tag.  Name tags are optional but they make it easier for people to have a conversation. - Club Suggestion

8. Something we would recommend to new people is not to be static at these parties. If you are not enjoying yourself move to a different table/ group until you find something that you are enjoying.  - Submitted by D&V from Missoula

9. Always go to a party with an open mind, have fun talk with people, ask questions. Don't get discouraged when people say no to playing. Make sure you and your partner are one the same page. Having fun and being honest with each other is the most important. - Submitted by C from Montana

To add to that, a no to playing could be for lots of reasons, and that's no reason you can't still like each other socially! There's also a difference between a no and a not right now!

Commentary Submitted by A from Montana

10.  1. Participate in activities.
     2. Don’t sit (for long) – try to mingle and meet people!
     3. Communicate with your partner before, during, and after the party. (probably the most important)
     4. Confidence, humility, and positivity go a long way….

Submitted by G from Bozeman

11.  Newbie advice.  Get up and mingle. Don't warm a seat. Dance! We are all there to mingle and have fun.

Submitted by S from Arlee

12. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Don't take a "no" to personal. Talk and ask questions. Try to talk with at least a couple people outside your "friends". You never know what you may learn and the fun you could have. Make sure you and your partner are open and honest with each other. Most of all. Relax. Enjoy.

Submitted by J from Helena

13. Dressing up is fun, but don’t let it be a stressor! A smile and good attitude is the sexiest thing you can wear. Mingle and chat, everyone is here to be social and have a good time with no expectations. Give the games a try, dance when your jam comes on and relax!

Submitted by C from Missoula

14. As with anything we do in life, enjoy, have fun, and conquer. Be part of the fun but sometimes sitting back and enjoying the sights and sound as a newbie is fun too. But remember it's all about the friendship and bonds you build that move you forward.

Submitted by K from Helena

15. Welcome to the 4-0 Sex Club. You are about to start a great adventure. Here are some tips to help guide you on your way.


Attend pre parties if possible. This is great place to meet people prior to the party in a vanilla environment. Make sure you walk up to people and introduce yourselves. This is a great time to get to know some amazing people. This will also make it a little easier when you attend the party. You will already know several people.


Join MeWe group and ask questions, join or start conversations, and share your thoughts. The group will vary in people so it is always fun.


As for the parties, prepare to have fun. Dress to feel good about yourself and wear a smile. Walk up to people, introduce yourselves, and tell them where your from. This is always a great conversation starter. Even though some people may have attended multiple parties, they still are just as nervous and shy as you are. Introduce yourselves to people regardless of your interest in them or lack of. You will find that everyone makes for a good friend.


Get involved in the games and contests. If that isn't your cup of tea, at least walk up and watch and cheer people on. Feel free to float around the room as much as you like. The room is always changing and the people are too. Just be active. Feel free to ask questions.


Through all of this move at your own pace.


As for the after party, well, that is entirely up to you. If you're interested, go for it and if you're not sure, don't. The great thing about all of this is you meet great people and if at some point you do want to travel down that road, you can.


Sometimes the more you see people for who they are at multiple parties, the more interesting and sexy they become. Every party, preparty and Kik group is different. So try out the different locations if possible, and join the different groups. We have never been to a party in a location that was the same. Each time is another adventure. The most important thing I can tell you is have fun! 

Submitted by D from Missoula

16. Introduce yourself! It may be more comfortable to sit and observe but the more people you meet the more fun you will have and the less nervous you will be. Remember that most everyone was in the same boat as you at their first party. Put yourself out there and you will most likely make some great friends and maybe more.

Submitted by A from Polson

17. Welcome! As always your going to be nervous your first time. My suggestion is to participate in the costume and dance contests, the games and conversation at the tables and above all mingle. This group is the least judgmental group I've ever met and they enjoy bringing others into the fold and making them feel comfortable, you just have to be open minded.

Submitted by W from Helena

18.  Don't be a wallflower. Try to challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone by getting up and participating in the games and contests! If you hear a song playing and no one else is dancing, get up and dance! Mingle and meet the other couples. I guarantee you will find a lot in common with whomever you are chatting with.


Be prepared to form a ton of friendships, both inside and outside of the bedroom. But most importantly, be prepared to have fun, laugh until your sides hurt, and dance until you can't move!


Don't go in thinking you are going to meet people who want to play right away, go in with the mindset of being there to have a good time and most importantly, enjoy yourselves! Oh, and I highly recommend having a nap before the pre-party so you don't miss out later on in the evening! Have fun and welcome to the club!

Submitted by C from Arlee

19. For first time couples I highly recommend the pre party. Meeting normally dressed people in a comfortable place prior to the party helps to alleviate some of the jitters and gives you feel for who they are not dressed up in a sexual environment. Having people you already met going in to the party makes it that much easier to join games and dance. The tables in the room are great for sitting to play a game or to relax for a minute, but don't stay static. Get up and move to different groups or games or circles of people. The party is a great socializing event. Don't be afraid to ask people to after party and don't be afraid to tell people no to after party. Everyone's after the same thing and won't judge you for your after party response. Socialize and enjoy yourself, everything else will fall into place when you are ready.

Submitted by V from Missoula

20. Welcome to the 4-0 Sex Club, some tips for newcomers would be:

1. Communication with your partner is key.

2.Attend the pre parties. They are a great comfortable way to get to know people

3. Attend the parties with a no expectation open mind. If playing happens later great, if not, you are still pretty much guaranteed a good time.

Submitted by C from Bozeman

21. Tips.... Be yourself and remember your limits and your spouses. You want to have fun and create a stronger bond with your spouse, not create friction. Talk and be honest with one another.

22. You only live once, so don't take life too seriously, and it's okay to have fun. "You may lose or you may win, but we will never be here again" - The Eagles. So loosen up take a chance and have fun!

Submitted by A from Bozeman

23. My tip, because most of my advice has been covered so well, is: Don't let your nerves push you to drink too much!  It's  likely part of the social and part of relaxing, but you'll love being able to easily recall the night's fun! (Have learned this one personally in the lifestyle!)

24. You need to be social

Many people go to swingers clubs and complain -- much as they probably did in high school -- that everybody there is “too cliquish.” But there are no Regina Georges in the swingers world, and nobody is going to sneer at you and say, “You can’t swing with us.” Yes, swingers gravitate towards their friends -- like everybody else -- but go up and say hello, and you’ll be surprised how fast people will welcome you.


25. Let the woman lead the way

Guys, if you have a woman who is even CONSIDERING participating in an activity that allows you to have sex with other women, you’ve already won. Don’t push the issue. Not only should you not pressure your lady into doing anything she doesn't want to do, you should pretty much let her decide what YOU get to do as well. Also, let her make any and all introductions. In the swinging world, the women are the ones who give the green light, so be patient and allow her to call the shots.

26. Learn the lingo

When you hear the words “hard swap,” that’s not the swinging equivalent of “tic tac no trade backs.” It’s the term for couples who are down for full-on sex with another couple. Nor is a unicorn a mythical white horse; it’s a female who attends swingers events alone. Other useful terms include “soft swap” (couples who’ll play with other couples but won’t “go all the way”) and "the lifestyle," which is a term swingers use to describe their, well, lifestyle.

27. Set realistic expectations

Even if you and your partner agree to be down for “full swap,” don’t go into a swingers club with the unrealistic expectations of a pledge at his first frat party. Nobody’s guaranteeing an orgy, and sometimes you may go and not find any couples you like. Also, the action may not start until much later in the evening, so don’t get bored and leave because nobody’s getting it on by midnight.

28. Watch first, then decide

You can do all the Internet research you want, but you’re not going to really understand what it’s like to be in a swinging environment until you’ve been there. Your first time, it’s typically a good idea to just go and see how things unfold. Then, if it’s something you’re into, figure out how you fit in and go back. Make all your rules, and see where it goes from there.

29. New to the club? New to the lifestyle? Some thoughts from a selectively swinging unicorn... Be open to new experiences, but don't bring too many expectations with you. Don't put pressure on yourself for things to happen or not happen. Talk to lots of people, and you'll eventually find people you click with. It doesn't have to be at the first party or even the first few parties.


Everyone is friendly and welcoming, and you can relax and just be yourself. There are people in the 4-0 that I love seeing and talking to, but I'd probably never play with, and that's okay! There are different kinds of swingers, and different couples each have their own approach. Some people in the group will be more sexually free and open to playing with people they've just met, and others might be more focused on socializing and building friendships than hooking up right away. Some have multiple playmates, and some have fewer people they may play with. It's all about what you want and are comfortable with.


The 4-0 is a great place to make friends; it’s not just about sex. If anyone makes you uncomfortable, don't hesitate to talk to Chris about it. There are rules about uninvited touching or creepy/pushy behavior, but it can happen, because people get caught up in the energy of a party or make assumptions. Consent is very important. It's always good to ask someone if they're okay with you touching them. If someone is making you uncomfortable, Chris will discretely talk to the person to make sure their behavior is checked and doesn't become a serious problem.


Also, know what your own base rules are as a couple (or single) and communicate, communicate, communicate!  - Submitted by H from Missoula